Are Your Relationships Healthy?

The Karpman Relationship Drama Triangle is a very common, yet very destructive way of relating. Many of us hop on this triangle without realizing we are doing it.

The following story makes the dynamics of the Relationship (Karpman) Drama Triangle easily understood.
The woman makes dinner. The alcoholic husband, usually home by six o’clock, does not arrive. By six thirty, the wife is becoming irritated. The children are hungry and she feeds them. By seven o’clock, she is beginning to become angry. By nine o’clock, she is furious, feeling she has been victimized now for three hours by his behavior. Certainly this was not the first time. Up to this point, she is operating as the Victim on the triangle. By eleven, he has still not arrived, and she becomes worried. She calls her best friend to come stay with the sleeping children. The children safely with the friend, she leaves in her car to go find him and bring him home. She has now moved into the Rescuer role, seeing him as a Victim who is unable to take care of himself. By midnight, she has located him, quite drunk at a bar. She drags him to the car and to the safety of their home. She gets him in bed. Once she takes off his shoes, she moves into the Persecutor role and starts in on him, “How could you do this to me? How could you do this to your children?” And on and on she goes. All throughout the evening, the alcoholic has been in the Victim role, where he is most comfortable. He has had enough of her persecuting, and starts in on her. “If you weren’t so fat, I might want to come home. Who would want to come home and listen to your mouth?” Now he has become the Persecutor. Her feelings are hurt, and she wonders if there is some validity to what he is saying. She feels helpless to establish the kind of relationship that she wants to have with her husband. She is now in the Victim role.
The rule is that the Rescuer always becomes the Victim. I have never seen an exception to this rule.
The next morning, seeing that he has victimized his wife, he is full of remorse and becomes the Rescuer. He makes promises and tries to make her feel better. She has hope for an improved relationship, trusting that her efforts to rescue him will someday transform him. She will continue to rescue him, and then become his Victim, over and over again. The pattern will repeat, over and over again until they both become aware of what they are doing. I met a woman at an Al-Anon meeting who had rescued her alcoholic husband for thirteen years. They owned a parts store. He got drunk during lunch, and she would cover for him all afternoon while he lay in the back room drunk. Once again, the Rescuer becomes the Victim.

Take a moment and ask yourself, "Is there someone that I am rescuing in my life? Am I a person looking for a rescue?" If so, I encourage you to get some help to find your self-actualization, take care of yourself, and live a happier life with much more rewarding relationships!

Are you behind a Rock?

I love Harry Potter! I realized that I had not seen the latest movie, "Half Blood Prince." Because it had been awhile since I had watched the previous movies, I decided to start at the beginning and watch them all the way through to the "Half Blood Prince."

What I noticed was that Harry was phenomenally brave in all scenarios up until the "Goblet of Fire." Harry faced challenge after challenge without flinching and with confidence that could serve as a model to us all.
Something happened though during the "Goblet of Fire" movie. Harry was scared. Harry was scared about being in the TriWizard Tournament. Harry was scared about facing the Hungarian Horn Tail dragon. He was scared to go into the Black Lake. He had a basic attitude of, "Yeah right. Like I can really do this stuff."

This attitude was so very unlike Harry who had even learned to produce the Patronus charm at his young and tender age. Throughout all the previous battles and obstacles, Harry had continued to have the "I can handle this; I will figure out a way" attitude.

Now Harry was scared. He faced the most dreaded opponent, the Dark Lord Voldemort. Voldemort had amassed his dark, evil intentioned troops to support him while he killed Harry. Harry hid behind a rock. Suddenly, something happened. Harry's face changed. Harry found his determination, got out his wand and came from behind the rock with invincible determination. Harry stood tall and faced the powerful Voldemort. Because of the strength of Harry's determination, benevolent forces of love came and enfolded him. Harry escaped and had saved his life though his determination.

Is there some area of your life where you are hiding behind a rock in fear, lack of confidence, cloaked in beliefs that you can not do what you want to do and what you know must be done in order for you to be truly free and happy?

Come out! Remember your strength! Remember all the times and ways that you have faced a challenge and have come out winning, triumphant against the odds! Take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I am doing this. I am enough to succeed!!!!" Then take the steps to arrive at that next step in your dream.

Are you living your dream?

“The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream” -- Harry Kemp.

My passion is to assist people in remembering and then achieving their dreams!

I am happy to announce a wonderfully inspiring recording, "Every Challenge has a Solution," that is now available from my office. Handouts are also included in the $15 price.

In the presentation, I share practical tools that will help you find a solution to any and all challenges that you are experiencing in your life so that you are living your dream. Let's let this great experience called Life be fun, rewarding, and fulfilling!

To order, email me at joyv@joyv.com or call my office at 817-261-6044. You will be richly rewarded!

Free support: Every day I post positive thoughts on Twitter. http://twitter.com/joyvanderbeck
I would love for you to utilize these thoughts to uplift you, day after day!

Many people are being challenged right now in various areas of their lives. Let's take the high road and use tools that are available to us for creating a life that really works.

Much love to you!
And as my Uncle Harold always said, "Straight Ahead!"
Joy

Clarity about Living on Purpose--From my Upcoming Book

My First Message about my Purpose
In 1970 I received my first clear message about my Purpose. Two of my flower child friends and I rode a couple of hours drive west of Ft. Worth Texas to Possum Kingdom Lake. It was barely daybreak when we arrived. Somehow I got it that if I could get to the top of one of the mesas that surrounded the area of the lake I would receive some kind of an important message.
I had many obstacles to overcome in my determination to reach the spot that I was drawn to. My passion to reach the top of the mesa overshadowed my fear of heights. The sandstone crumbled beneath my feet. I got a large barbed thorn in the side of my thigh. I pulled it out and kept going. My eye caught sight of a rock that was yellow on the left side and red on the right side. Gazing at the rock, I knew that the message was that either you do it or you don’t. There is no “sort of” doing.
In the movie, “Raiders of the Lost Ark,” Indiana Jones thinks he has found where the Ark is hidden. Indiana notices that the floor appears to be moving. When a torch is dropped into the darkness, Indiana realizes that the movement on the floor is snakes. Indiana rolls back and says, “Snakes. Why does it have to be snakes?” Snakes were his greatest fear.
My greatest fear, even greater than my fear of heights, was my fear of spiders. As I approached the top of the mesa, I came to a grove of cedar trees whose branches were almost touching the ground. Black spiders had woven their webs like a thick tapestry from one tree to another. The webs were like a force field with spiders tending each and every one of them. I made an assessment and realized that because of the rocks and cliffs, there was no other way to reach the top of the mesa but to go through the grove of cedar trees. I got on my belly, apologized to the spiders and explained that I was on a mission and that in order to complete my mission, I had to go through their homes. Through the thick webs I went, sending out peace and asking for pardon. The distance may have been only about 10 feet, yet I promise you it seemed like it took hours to get through the grove.
The sun came up over the mesas to the East and shone on a little clearing. I knew that was where I was to go to receive my message. I found my perfect spot in the clearing, held a rock in one hand and a stick in the other to ground myself. As the sun touched my body, I heard very clearly the words, “Feed the People!”
About that time my 2 friends reached the clearing. I was deep into my spiritual experience and kept my eyes closed. I heard them frantically exclaiming, “Let’s get out of here! There is a bumble bee nest in the ground!” They promptly left.
I have always thought that it was interesting that the bumble bees didn’t bother me and that I apparently didn’t bother them, even though the nest was just a few feet away from where I knelt.
I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the message that I had received that day. What I noticed though was that as the days unfolded, several things began to occur. I decided that I wanted to plant a garden. I researched organic gardening, invited several of my Flower Child friends to come and turn the Earth, and had one of the first organic gardens in the area. People came in droves to learn what I was doing there.
Next, I had become vegetarian. My diet centered around brown rice and unleavened whole wheat bread. My kitchen became a meeting place for people to learn how to cook natural food from scratch.
Then I started a food co-op, Natural Goodness Farms. The co-op created an avenue for people to purchase whole, organic, natural food.
In time, I realized that I was living my Purpose. I was living the message that I had heard at daybreak on the mesa, “Feed the People.”

Are you on Purpose with your life today? If the answer is no, then I urge you to take some time to get quiet, spend some time with yourself and realize what that Purpose is. Then take the steps to live your life on Purpose. It is a decision you will always be happy that you made. If the answer is yes, the celebrate your Purpose today!!

Set no limitations on the power of thought

This is an excerpt from my exciting, upcoming book:

“My doctors told me I would never walk again. My mother told me I would. I believed my mother.” Wilma Rudolph. Wilma chose to believe the positive. She chose the belief that would take her to greatness rather than the belief that would take her to being a victim. Most people would have told her that what she was attempting was impossible.
At the 1960 Rome Olympics, Rudolph became "the fastest woman in the world" and the first American woman to win three gold medals in one Olympics. She won the 100- and 200-meter races and anchored the U.S. team to victory in the 4 x 100-meter relay, breaking records along the way.
In the 100, she tied the world record of 11.3 seconds in the semifinals, then won the final by three yards in 11.0. However, because of a 2.75-meter per second wind -- above the acceptable limit of two meters per second -- she didn't receive credit for a world record. In the 200, she broke the Olympic record in the opening heat in 23.2 seconds and won the final in 24.0 seconds. In the relay, Rudolph, despite a poor baton pass, overtook Germany's anchor leg, and the Americans, all women from Tennessee State, took the gold in 44.5 seconds after setting a world record of 44.4 seconds in the semifinals.
Have you ever done something that others said was impossible?
Attitudes are more important than facts!

A Heart Made Whole

Jeffery, (not his real name) came to me for help when he was in the midst of extreme emotional angst and marital discord. This was Jeffery's second marriage. Jeffery and his current wife had been separated multiple times. He endured roller coaster emotions as his current wife continued to want to leave him. Jeffery's first marriage was with a woman who suffered from alcoholism.

In just a few sessions, Jeffery learned the connection between his pattern with emotionally unavailable women and his emotionally unavailable parents. His Dad had left when Jeffery was a small child, and his Mother suffered from the emotional mood swings of bi-polar disorder.

As a child, Jeffery felt alone. Jeffery became terrified of abandonment. As he grew into adulthood, Jeffery developed many skills to keep himself from being abandoned. His fear, however, was always there, and he continued to unconsciously select emotionally unavailable, abandoning partners.

I saw him once in a full blown panic attack at the thought of his second wife not wanting him anymore.These panic attacks had become commonplace for Jeffery. Jeffery connected with the small, frightened child in his heart, re-parented him to bring the child love, security and safety. The panic attacks stopped. Jeffery accepted his wife's unavailability, accepted the divorce and went on to rebuild his life. Jeffery is now in a loving supportive relationship. He accomplished this in just 7 months! Jeffery had made his heart whole.

Make it come to you

“Some say go for it. I say make it come to you.” Garfield

I like to think of using tools for Conscious Creating to be like riding on an air mattress on top of the water. To live your life efforting, trying, manipulating, stressing and winding up out of the flow, exhausted and with results that are minimal and not lasting is like swimming underwater in the moss. When you are on top of the water, you will glide through your life in joy and with ease.
I once spotted a beautiful heron on the other side of a fairly small lake. I wanted to go see the pretty bird. I hopped on the air mattress and away I went. In a short period of time, I was on the other side of the lake, gazing at the bird. If I had tried to swim it, I would have been out there for hours. I realized that day that we are at choice about whether we use what is available to us spiritually and create our lives with empowerment and ease, or whether we struggle.

In using the tools of affirmations, opening our hearts, staying focused on solutions and living in gratitude, we are consciously making choices about the outcomes we desire. In just a few minutes per day, we can determine what we want for ourselves that day, affirm those outcomes with the power of the spoken word, and with our hearts open, watch it unfold as we are nudged via our intuition as to any steps that we need to take to do our part. Having successful results really is this simple and easy!

Hop on board the air mattress! The water is fine!